Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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