the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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