You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
