it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
