I'm eating all of the evidence.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
