I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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