He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Vodka?
Forever.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
