OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
