hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
