I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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