So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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