czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
