There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
