I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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