dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
