you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Randomize
