smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
