i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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