I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
