I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
