Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize