look no pants
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
