he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
