The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
