My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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