I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
