are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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