I cockslap morals
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
