Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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