Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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