a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
