I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
