Why does Corona taste like a burp?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
