My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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