I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
