I want to have your abortion
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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