Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
ttyl tear gas
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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