I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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