Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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