I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
