Will you blow on my dice?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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