i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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