Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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