I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize