Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
