I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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