Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
