He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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