No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
