I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
my poor anus
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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