I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
