Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
sex in a hospital.. check
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
