can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
