at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
