feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
