some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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