i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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