absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
