Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
