we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
