i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
