Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
