Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
