You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
