Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
