Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
